47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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