UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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