I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
