Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
