So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
