I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
