They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I supernannyed him into submission
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
