hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
