Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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