Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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