In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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