i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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