I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
