My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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