so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
