ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
