dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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