He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
