singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
