batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
