Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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