I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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