I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
