i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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