I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
