Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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