Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
