apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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