I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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