Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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