my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
