Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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