I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize