this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
