Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
