The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize