Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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