I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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