you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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