i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
