so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Never let your siblings swipe right.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
