I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
