HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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