I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
