just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
