the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
