it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
