Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
