She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
