My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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