Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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