i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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