The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
