she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
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You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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