I CAN MOONWALK!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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