what day is it and did you see me today?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
