morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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