help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
