i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
