I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
