so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
