i would punch a child for taco bell
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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