saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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