sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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