I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
