Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
