you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
