I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
