Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Randomize
