I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
whose ass print is on the piano?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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