I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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