ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
