Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
