A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
