We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
