She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
