I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
