I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
