Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
